Let the clocks go unwound, and the shops stay closed. Who caresfor deliveries and deadlines, worry someone else about the debts.The World Cup is here, and normal life is on hold for a month.
The only work to be done is to reach for the remote control andthink up plausible theories about Belgian goalkeepers and SouthKorean tactics.
Somewhere a statistician will concoct a number about how manybillion are watching, while another will say how many trillion havedisappeared from the economy because Ken in accounts has a hangover.
Momentary allegiances with never-visited nations will erupt thendie on the whistle, and we move on, carrying hope in our heart foranother side with a nifty winger and colourful fans. It will allseem like a lovely antidote to work and commerce. Sport will fulfilits function, to divert us from reality.
As such we'll fall for the con all over again. We cling likeshipwrecked sailors to a splinter to the idea that sport isinnocent, honest, and somehow democratic in an otherwise sleazyworld. More than Hollywood, or the lottery, sport is the collectivedelusion about a better world when in fact it's oxter deep in dirt.
Nowhere was the myth of sport better illustrated than in thecurrent crisis over Scottish football clubs. One, Airdrie, hasclosed while others teeter on the brink of bankruptcy. This, inturn, provoked hours of concerned chat on phone-in shows, andscreeds of anguished writing in the papers, front and back.
The constant refrain was that the fans had a say. Their judgmentson who owned the club, and who managed its team, were significant.Nobody ever explained why it was important; this was merely taken asread. The mythology of soccer is that it is a democratic game, wherethe working man in particular can be heard. Trouble is, real lifeisn't like that.
The myth of football holds that the fans are the clubs. It'stheir collective memory which remains constant as players, managers,and grounds come and go. As such, they 'owned' the club. In fact,they were the commodity. When rich men buy clubs, they know the starstrikers knees may go, but so long as the fans cough up for ticketsand merchandise then they have a worthwhile business. The fans'willingness to spend is what people buy when they take over clubs.The fans are the poor saps that keep the rich rich.
Blind to this reality, the cry went up that what is wrong withfootball is that local people don't support their clubs. Enough ofeveryone being a Manchester United or Rangers fan, so the argumentwent; we should all return to our local ground and cheer on thelads. This encouraged wonderful visions of a Stalinist state wherepeople were forced to watch Falkirk v Partick Thistle under the gazeof football re-education squads.
It was as if there was a theological choice to be made, betweenthe doctrine of TV and the true path of actual attendance. Nobodywas in any doubt that evil satellite television, making the games ofbrilliant teams such as Real Madrid and Barcelona available to all,had corrupted the impressionable fan. The fact that Scottishfootball was crap did not seem to figure in this worldview.
The notion of football as something owned by the common manunderpinned this thinking. Football has always been sold as this;the tragedy of the fan is that they believed the hype. No doubt manyalso think that Coca-Cola truly wants to teach the world to sing.From its inception more than 100 years ago, football has been acommodity controlled by a few. The clubs were effectively a carteldictating ticket prices, players' wages, and football choice. Thefan has always been the sucker led by the nose. Only when they lostcontrol of players'
wages did they expose their incompetence.
Not to say it isn't fun being that sucker. If football weren't soexciting to watch, offering 90 minutes of unscripted drama, itwouldn't have its global appeal. We should have the honesty to admitwe're simply punters buying into an entertainment product, ratherthan fans enjoying honest sport. Given that without us there ain'tno business, we should be more persistent in asking where theprofits go.
At the moment the world footballing body, Fifa, is run by a mancalled Sepp Blatter. This rotund Swede has been accused of multiplecounts of fraud. An employee of Fifa, who has since been gagged,compiled a dossier of how Blatter distributed cash to membernations. The intent, so the allegation runs, was to ensure he wouldbe re-elected when the members came to vote for a new president. Iffootball is so pure, how come its governed by a man accused of beinga crook?
As such, football is no different from any other major sport.Nobody knows who owns all the companies associated with Formula One,because their financial origins are hidden in a web of accountants'camouflage. Meanwhile, the Professional Golf Association has arecord of opaque answers when talking about its accounts. To thebest of my knowledge, no complete set exists in the public domain.
The reason we should worry is that all these bodies demandtaxpayers' cash before they'll host their sport in this country. Youcan't simply hold a footballing, golf, or motor racing competition.The rights to these are strictly controlled by the governing bodies,and very expensive. Governments cough up because of the otherrevenue the events should generate. But where there is cashincentive, there's corruption. Scotland's bid for golf's Ryder Cupin 2009 was essentially beaten by a cheque book. The executive wasprepared to pay an honest sum, but the bill kept on growing, and itwasn't always clear where the money was going. The executive set anadmirable record for integrity in refusing to add zeroes to thetotal. The experience should hold them in good stead for the moretransparent bidding over football's European Championship in 2008.
As for poor Japan and South Korea, they appear to have fallen forthe hype.
They've shelled out millions of dollars to host this world cup.Owing to the mild recession and the distance from the wealthyfootballing nations of Western Europe, they are unlikely to see aninflux of fans and stand little chance of recouping this investment.Meanwhile, Fifa will have made huge sums from sponsorship deals andTV rights.
Not only should the fans demand to know where their money goes,they should also insist that the sport puts them before theexpansion plans of corruptible committee men. Football tournamentsin soccer-crazed nations, like Euro 96 in England, make pots ofmoney for everyone. Championships in new markets only make money forthe committee men.
So the grubby charabanc of international sport will move on toanother venue, peddling dreams of being the friend of the commonman, while picking his pocket. Who will win the world cup? Thecommittee men, the owners, and global brands that cash in on thehype. Oh, and probably France.
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